In order to feel confident in relationships, whether they’re romantic or platonic, you must first feel confident with yourself. It sounds cliché, and yet so many people go into relationships thinking that someone else will complete them, that they’ll automatically feel confident and complete, but that’s BS. The only way to truly feel confident (and I know this from experience)is to start liking yourself for who you are, aware of what you want and who you want to become want with or without a significant other.
In certain relationships, specifically with a special someone, there are certain undeniable truths that affect the quality and longevity of your relationship. By learning to feel confident, you will not only improve your chances of having a successful relationship, but you will also improve your relationship with yourself. Here are five things to remember when you’re seeking out a new relationship or enhancing your current one.
5 Ways to Feel More Confident With or Without Your Partner
- You have to learn to love yourself first. In order to feel confident and have a loving, supportive, long-lasting relationship with someone else, you need to learn how to be your own best friend first. It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to complete you. The most successful couples add to one another’s happiness.
- Don’t over think the small stuff. In 10 years, people won’t remember what clothes you wore, which car you drove, or the embarrassing moment that plagues you (unless it was captured on Vine). But in 10 years or even 10 minutes from now, they will remember how you made them feel and the positive memories you gave them. Being the listening ear, the supportive friend or girlfriend and the person they know they trust means more than any insecurity you have about what you’re wearing or how you did your hair. Confident women know that their connection with others is way beyond skin deep.
- Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you should pursue them anyway. – Trust yourself, seriously you are the only person living in your head, follow that little voice in your gut that say go for it. Confidence is trusting your intuition. Following your intuitions means doing what feels right, even if it doesn’t look or sound right to others. Only time will tell, but our human instincts are rarely ever wrong. So don’t worry about what everyone else thinks; keep living and speaking your truth. The perfect person for you will love you for this, because who wants to be with someone whose letting themselves be manipulated by those around them?
- Some people are meant to stay in your heart, but not in your life. I don’t believe in regret, I believe in learning from my past, and that every experience is actually a lesson. If you’re having a tough time letting go of someone who left you or treated you poorly, realize that if they wanted to stay they would still be there. As harsh as this is. Confident women don’t always see this, but when you look back on those who are long gone, aren’t sort of glad?
- Everyone has baggage, just like you. The minute someone decides to walk out of your life, that is the same moment in which the opportunity and space opens up for someone who actually deserves your love to finally walk in. Remember, everyone has baggage, so don’t be ashamed of it. Confidence is owning your past and not letting take up too much space in your future. Be patient and find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack (awe).
A big part of who you become depends on who you choose to surround yourself with. This is true for friends, family and romantic partners. Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and how much time you spend with them. Those who lack self-respect pick others who don’t respect them. Surround yourself with people who make you a better person, and let go of those who don’t. Confident and self-loving folks pick others who make them feel full, not empty.
Remember a healthy relationship is one where you both enhance each others confidence, not depend on each other for it. So, even if you aren’t with your soul mate, or think he/she is the one, don’t forget to build up your confidence first. Doing so will only help your partner, and yourself, in the long run.
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Emily Roberts MA, LPC is The Guidance Girl. Her goal is to help YOU become the most confident person you know! Emily is an award-winning author Express Yourself: A Teen Girls Guide to Speaking Up and Becoming Who You Are, Psychotherapist, TV & Media Contributor, Educational Speaker, and parenting consultant. She travels around the country educating girls, women, and parents. Express Yourself is available at bookstores nationwide and on Amazon. To learn more about Emily click here.