Speaking up and the ability to act assertively is a common challenge for anyone struggling with self-esteem. Assertiveness is expressing ones needs and desires in an effective and respectable manner. When we avoid speaking up and expressing how we feel or what we need, we are sabotaging our self-esteem and allowing negative feelings to build up internally.
The way we communicate with others is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves. When you don’t speak up for yourself, it gives others the impression that you have little self-respect. The same is true when you express yourself in a flippant or aggressive manner, people stop listening and lose respect. When feelings are effectively communicated, others hear you. This creates healthy relationships and increases confidence to manage feelings, thus building self-esteem.
Are You Speaking Up?
Passivity, not expressing yourself, is a killer when it comes to building self-esteem. Holding it in, fearing what others will say, letting others control what you say, do or want to do, is essentially allowing them to walk all over you like an emotional “doormat.”
Over time, passive individuals become tired of not being heard. They can chose to act assertively, stay in their self-deprecating shell or take it out on others. With the right tools, assertiveness can be your go-to method and chances are your self-esteem will improve tremendously.
Assertiveness Techniques: How to Speak Up
- The Sandwich Technique
- Put your request in between two positives; think of it like the sticky peanut butter in between two slices of bread. For example, expressing your feelings to a friend about feeling ignored:
- Positive: “Hi ______ I have really missed you lately, your friendship really means a lot to me.”
- Request: “I would really love to spend more one-on-one time with you. Can we try to set some time up in the next week or two to have dinner?”
- Positive: “We always seem to have a great time together.”
- Put your request in between two positives; think of it like the sticky peanut butter in between two slices of bread. For example, expressing your feelings to a friend about feeling ignored:
- The “I Feel” Technique
- This classic technique is extremely effective in expressing your feelings to another person.I feel ____________, when you ____________could you please ____________ (request).
Don’t forget, you have an opinion, you have feelings and you have needs. Try something new this week and speak up with these assertiveness techniques.
* * * * *
Emily Roberts MA, LPC is The Guidance Girl. Her goal is to help YOU become the most confident person you know! Emily is an award-winning author Express Yourself: A Teen Girls Guide to Speaking Up and Becoming Who You Are, Psychotherapist, TV & Media Contributor, Educational Speaker, and parenting consultant. She travels around the country educating girls, women, and parents. Express Yourself is available at bookstores nationwide and on Amazon. To learn more about Emily click here.
It is best to participate in a contest for the most effective blogs on the web. I’ll recommend this website!
I have been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be much more useful than ever before.
Simply wanna remark that you have a very nice internet site , I like the layout it actually stands out.
Very interesting points you have observed, regards for putting up.
Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely return.
As I website possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling excellent , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Best of luck.
Wow! This can be one particular of the most useful blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Actually Magnificent. I am also a specialist in this topic therefore I can understand your hard work.
Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossips and internet and this is really annoying. A good web site with interesting content, that is what I need. Thank you for keeping this site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Cant find it.
Good read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that. And he just bought me lunch as I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch! “There are places and moments in which a single is so completely alone that one sees the world entire.” by Jules Renard.
I was more than happy to search out this internet-site.I needed to thanks to your time for this excellent read!! I positively having fun with each little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you weblog post.
Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any recommendations for rookie blog writers? I’d genuinely appreciate it.
thank you for your kind words. I would suggest writing from an authentic place and on the topics you are passionate about. Your audience will be able to tell when you are being authentic.
Does your site have a contact page? I’m having a tough time locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an e-mail. I’ve got some ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it develop over time.
Yes please feel free to email me at [email protected]
Nice!
Valuable info. Lucky me I found your site by accident, and I’m shocked why this accident did not happened earlier! I bookmarked it.
Truly fantastic insight you got presented here, bless you